Yeah, I, uh, just realized this... Kind of major realization.

**L007 is Undecided** · 03-28-2008, 09:08 PM

So I've been noticing that whenever I get depressed for various reasons, I get pretty down and just feel like I'm a wreck. However, it just seems like things could have been worse, especially after this week's events of two of my friends having very stressful situations. Hell, it finally made me realize that I could have it worse. A lot worse. Like, I wouldn't be here typing this. Or alive.

Yeah, if it weren't for a number of events being put into the right place, I think I may have killed myself by now. Cold honest truth. I mean, I've always thought of extreme ways to escape my problems: Running away, assaulting certain people, and eventually my mind became so scrambled that death seemed like another option.

I never really had the guts to do it before, not when those situations were minor compared to what's been hitting me right now. Well, these days whatever is bugging me just seems to be wanting to rip me apart if I didn't have a tempered spirit. Man, the future... It's scary, it's depressing, it's just... beyond belief. However, I must say that I do emphasize how scary it is, because at least I know that I can face my fears. I've gotten over my fear of heights by climbing many tall, TALL towers, my fear of planes by actually PILOTING a plane while riding in it for the first time,~~and my strange fear of volcanoes that were probably caused by excess video games as a young'un.~~ Crap, I'm still afraid of volcanoes randomly appearing in SD. Still, anything that isn't ridiculous is something that I can conquer and be proud of.

Really, I never thought of how close I have been to not living life as I am right now. And because of that, I just... have to be thankful right now. An online community filled with people I can use as a Livejournal on AIM, three close friends, a well-known reputation and popularity in my school ,and... Well, many reasons to live. I'm so anxious for the future, and yet so excited. I want to get out in the real world and start living life as I intend to. Man, I'm even looking forward to parenthood. It used to be something I didn't want to really do, but now it's... just exciting! And yet, I'm keeping another eye on the present. I have to be focused on what is needed, especially with how stressed previous stated friends are.

I tried to keep a straight face while typing this. Required a lot of Dr. Pepper consumption.

On a last note, I do plan on telling my three close friends about this. I just can't keep secrets from them once I find out about them myself. Not after I just confessed about them online, heh.

Galefore · 03-28-2008, 09:41 PM

Nice. I realize how hard it must be to conquer a fear like Heights and Planes (Incidentally, those are my biggest fears. And I doubt I'll ever conquer the latter.). I hope you have an awesome, awesome life, as I'm sure you will.

User Name · 03-28-2008, 10:20 PM

My door's always open. The future is always scary. That's just life, it's just getting through it. Take a deep breath, step back, and refocus. You can make it.

*hug*

Everybody Nose · 03-28-2008, 10:30 PM

Life is crazy and it throws everyone some twists, some bigger ones than others. You have to know how to handle it though, and I'm glad you stood up and took them on man. I'm excited about life too, but remember, you gotta take it a day at a time.

I believe this:

Click to view video.

Sums up life for me right now

Blake · 03-28-2008, 11:56 PM

Hey, that's pretty cool man. That's a nice amount of optimism. I haven't seen anything like that on here... ever. It's good you found the motivation to drive yourself forward cause that sure as heck isn't an easy task. Keep it up.

Demonicus Prime · 03-29-2008, 12:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Agent 4(L00)7

even looking forward to parenthood.

Wait, what?

***Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds*** · 03-29-2008, 01:00 AM

BABIES

FIVE HUNDRED OF THEM

Glad you got hit with one of those "awe for life" moments, loot. They're really amazing, aren't they? ^_^ *confetti*

Metal Man · 03-29-2008, 01:36 AM

I think of things like this sometimes too, considering I used the internet to supplement my lack of a social life when I was in independent study.

Now I have that and my real life friends. Makes me feel great, really, like even when I fall down, people will help me get back up; and that should somebody oppose me and be in the wrong, that some day, some how, they will be stopped.

Within reason, of course.

Of course, it is just my jaded way which causes me never to mention such a lot of the time...

**L007 is Undecided** · 04-17-2008, 07:03 PM

I should probably give you guys a bit of an update.

I talked to Amy last week about what was going on and included about my suicidal thoughts from years ago. We just got on a talk about our own pasts and basically boiled down to how she preferred having an attitude of being joyous. It wasn't just me, that's how she's been. In the glad, she was glad that I was able to be open to her about how I've been feeling, yet she wants me to to not be afraid to be open to our other two close friends.

Well, life sure has been a random draw for me lately. I do wish the four of us could have a relaxing day with no distractions. Ugh, probably not until the night of prom.

X-3 · 04-17-2008, 07:36 PM

You're lucky to have such good friends.

Don't afraid to be open up to your other friends too.

Hope things turn out well. Keep thinking optimistic, L007.

Tazy_10 · 04-22-2008, 12:09 PM

.....

I'm still afraid of Fergie.....

*Shudder*

**Crazyswordsman** · 04-22-2008, 06:12 PM

I was just about to respond to this topic, then I realize my computer is starting to fall apart.

Either that or my post wasn't registered....

Anyway I just want to say I'm proud of you for being so optimistic and say how lucky you are to have such great friends. I mean, mine always abandon me to spend about 95% of their time with their girls, and thus I get lonely a lot. I'm so happy you're in that situation. -CSM

DELICIOUS POISON · 04-25-2008, 06:06 PM

Well, I can sympathize. I go through moods where I pretty much can't stand anything and hate everyone, but there's always someone who cares and I'm always looking forward to change.

I mean, I just have to stop and look at my life, and I realize that I have an awesome lifestyle and it's not going anywhere.

03-28-2008, 09:08 PM	#1
L007 is Undecided Axe Shreddin' Mod Join Date: May 2001 Location: Farmerland. Gender: Posts: 7,455 Thanks: 98 Thanked 323 Times in 189 Posts Points: 6,846.44 Bank: 24,188.76 Total Points: 31,035.20 Donate	Yeah, I, uh, just realized this... Kind of major realization. So I've been noticing that whenever I get depressed for various reasons, I get pretty down and just feel like I'm a wreck. However, it just seems like things could have been worse, especially after this week's events of two of my friends having very stressful situations. Hell, it finally made me realize that I could have it worse. A lot worse. Like, I wouldn't be here typing this. Or alive. Yeah, if it weren't for a number of events being put into the right place, I think I may have killed myself by now. Cold honest truth. I mean, I've always thought of extreme ways to escape my problems: Running away, assaulting certain people, and eventually my mind became so scrambled that death seemed like another option. I never really had the guts to do it before, not when those situations were minor compared to what's been hitting me right now. Well, these days whatever is bugging me just seems to be wanting to rip me apart if I didn't have a tempered spirit. Man, the future... It's scary, it's depressing, it's just... beyond belief. However, I must say that I do emphasize how scary it is, because at least I know that I can face my fears. I've gotten over my fear of heights by climbing many tall, TALL towers, my fear of planes by actually PILOTING a plane while riding in it for the first time,~~and my strange fear of volcanoes that were probably caused by excess video games as a young'un.~~ Crap, I'm still afraid of volcanoes randomly appearing in SD. Still, anything that isn't ridiculous is something that I can conquer and be proud of. Really, I never thought of how close I have been to not living life as I am right now. And because of that, I just... have to be thankful right now. An online community filled with people I can use as a Livejournal on AIM, three close friends, a well-known reputation and popularity in my school ,and... Well, many reasons to live. I'm so anxious for the future, and yet so excited. I want to get out in the real world and start living life as I intend to. Man, I'm even looking forward to parenthood. It used to be something I didn't want to really do, but now it's... just exciting! And yet, I'm keeping another eye on the present. I have to be focused on what is needed, especially with how stressed previous stated friends are. I tried to keep a straight face while typing this. Required a lot of Dr. Pepper consumption. On a last note, I do plan on telling my three close friends about this. I just can't keep secrets from them once I find out about them myself. Not after I just confessed about them online, heh.

04-17-2008, 07:03 PM	#9
L007 is Undecided Axe Shreddin' Mod Join Date: May 2001 Location: Farmerland. Gender: Posts: 7,455 Thanks: 98 Thanked 323 Times in 189 Posts Points: 6,846.44 Bank: 24,188.76 Total Points: 31,035.20 Donate	I should probably give you guys a bit of an update. I talked to Amy last week about what was going on and included about my suicidal thoughts from years ago. We just got on a talk about our own pasts and basically boiled down to how she preferred having an attitude of being joyous. It wasn't just me, that's how she's been. In the glad, she was glad that I was able to be open to her about how I've been feeling, yet she wants me to to not be afraid to be open to our other two close friends. Well, life sure has been a random draw for me lately. I do wish the four of us could have a relaxing day with no distractions. Ugh, probably not until the night of prom. __________________ Can I has signature?

03-28-2008, 09:41 PM	#2
Galefore Gunjinkeeper Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: On board their beautiful ship Gender: Posts: 5,810 Thanks: 693 Thanked 405 Times in 303 Posts Blog Entries: 3 Points: 2,291.89 Bank: 21,615.36 Total Points: 23,907.24 Donate	Nice. I realize how hard it must be to conquer a fear like Heights and Planes (Incidentally, those are my biggest fears. And I doubt I'll ever conquer the latter.). I hope you have an awesome, awesome life, as I'm sure you will.

03-28-2008, 10:20 PM	#3
User Name Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Some say hell, I say paradise. Gender: Posts: 6,266 Thanks: 224 Thanked 288 Times in 205 Posts Points: 2,193.70 Bank: 46,851.47 Total Points: 49,045.17 Donate	My door's always open. The future is always scary. That's just life, it's just getting through it. Take a deep breath, step back, and refocus. You can make it. hug

03-28-2008, 11:56 PM	#5
Blake Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: A generic place such as a house Gender: Posts: 3,316 Thanks: 327 Thanked 87 Times in 73 Posts Points: 331.41 Bank: 17,869.94 Total Points: 18,201.35 Donate	Hey, that's pretty cool man. That's a nice amount of optimism. I haven't seen anything like that on here... ever. It's good you found the motivation to drive yourself forward cause that sure as heck isn't an easy task. Keep it up.

03-29-2008, 01:00 AM	#7
*Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds* Admin "mine.. not yours. NO. MINE." Epic Ladynerd Join Date: Jul 2000 Location: Forteresse de Valois Gender: Posts: 23,818 Thanks: 292 Thanked 523 Times in 367 Posts Points: 26,875.80 Bank: 172,813.71 Total Points: 199,689.51 Donate	BABIES FIVE HUNDRED OF THEM Glad you got hit with one of those "awe for life" moments, loot. They're really amazing, aren't they? ^_^ confetti

03-29-2008, 01:36 AM	#8
Metal Man Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2000 Location: Gender: Posts: 6,799 Thanks: 74 Thanked 208 Times in 143 Posts Points: 11,308.28 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 11,308.28 Donate	I think of things like this sometimes too, considering I used the internet to supplement my lack of a social life when I was in independent study. Now I have that and my real life friends. Makes me feel great, really, like even when I fall down, people will help me get back up; and that should somebody oppose me and be in the wrong, that some day, some how, they will be stopped. Within reason, of course. Of course, it is just my jaded way which causes me never to mention such a lot of the time...

04-17-2008, 07:36 PM	#10
X-3 Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Brigade HQ Gender: Posts: 9,326 Thanks: 296 Thanked 329 Times in 245 Posts Blog Entries: 3 Points: 17,090.48 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 17,090.48 Donate	You're lucky to have such good friends. Don't afraid to be open up to your other friends too. Hope things turn out well. Keep thinking optimistic, L007.

04-22-2008, 12:09 PM	#11
Tazy_10 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: EVEN BEASTS KNOW WHEN TO GIVE UP Gender: Posts: 8,227 Thanks: 190 Thanked 407 Times in 314 Posts Blog Entries: 6 Points: 27,247.70 Bank: 38,075.63 Total Points: 65,323.32 Donate	..... I'm still afraid of Fergie..... Shudder

04-22-2008, 06:12 PM	#12
Crazyswordsman RPG Mod Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Booyaville (yeah!) Gender: Posts: 8,164 Thanks: 560 Thanked 403 Times in 272 Posts Points: 141,025.71 Bank: 39,667.72 Total Points: 180,693.42 Donate	I was just about to respond to this topic, then I realize my computer is starting to fall apart. Either that or my post wasn't registered.... Anyway I just want to say I'm proud of you for being so optimistic and say how lucky you are to have such great friends. I mean, mine always abandon me to spend about 95% of their time with their girls, and thus I get lonely a lot. I'm so happy you're in that situation. -CSM

04-25-2008, 06:06 PM	#13
DELICIOUS POISON Retro Nintendo Supermod Art & Literature Mod Metroid Mod Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: I rub my tilde all over your asterisk Gender: Posts: 16,306 Thanks: 525 Thanked 1,436 Times in 721 Posts Points: 8,902.62 Bank: 2,667,479.76 Total Points: 2,676,382.38 Donate	Well, I can sympathize. I go through moods where I pretty much can't stand anything and hate everyone, but there's always someone who cares and I'm always looking forward to change. I mean, I just have to stop and look at my life, and I realize that I have an awesome lifestyle and it's not going anywhere.