That double-edged blade known as memory.

Bomby · 04-10-2008, 08:03 PM

As I get to know the girl I've become interested in better and better, my past dealings with women begin to haunt me once again.

Sometimes I still feel bitter and almost vengeful in a way. Not vengeful like I want to kill them, but vengeful like I have to find a girl that's better than them in any way you can imagine, then somehow show off how much better this new girl is than they were. It's not like I think about this a lot, but sometimes my brain just functions this way.

The one girl in particular that bothers me still is a girl who I "freaked out" toward the end of my senior year. Considering the way I reacted from her initial rejection, she had every right to be freaked out by me. The realization of this after the fact made me lose a lot of self-esteem, and for a long time I felt like a total creep, and that I didn't deserve anyone. Even though I've now proven to myself that I'm not a creep, the thought occasionally passes through my head of what she would think seeing me with a girl who actually liked me. Obviously, this thought isn't worth considering, but sometimes when I have the misfortune of passing her by on campus (like I did about a half-hour ago), my train of thought can't help but travel in a certain direction.

Another thing that bothers me is how I would explain my interactions with some of the girls I've been more... erm, "successful" with. Like... one-night stand successful. Not only have I been creepy in the past, but I was once a bit of a sleaze. It was really a fleeting thing: two one-night stands my freshman year of college. To some people, that's not really too bad, but when trying to get into a relationship with a really nice, I mean, nice girl, one can only fear the day he would have to explain his shady past to her.

Letting go of the past is surely easier for some people than others, and I guess much of the time I feel to be a part of the crowd that has a bit of a harder time. If I'm successful in winning this girl's heart over, I'll probably try to wait until I'm ready to tell her about the shadier aspects of my past. As far as prom girl goes, **** her if she even dares judge me in her mind.

***ZeldaGirl*** · 04-10-2008, 09:16 PM

I guess, if you have to tell her eventually, you just be honest - I mean, it's obvious that you have changed and matured. I wouldn't stress about what's in the past - concentrate on the now. As soon as you let all of the bad stuff go from back then, you'll feel happier and more comfortable to move forward.

Don't stress about it; you're a good guy, and any girl would be able to see that and have you in their life. So, just concentrate on that.

* ZeldaGirl hugs Bomby

***Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds*** · 04-10-2008, 09:32 PM

Everyone has a past, and most people have done things they think someone will disapprove of. All I can tell you, Bomby, is that if someone cares for you, it won't be such a big deal. They might need some time to accept it, but love can always come first. I've experienced it for myself.

*hugs Bomby*

***Heroine of the Dragon*** · 04-11-2008, 09:52 PM

I would just like to add that it's those things we experience that make us who we are today... and you are wonderful, Bomby!!! Everyone makes mistakes when they are younger... but it's important to see that we learnt something form them!!!

It's okay to be you!! Perfectly okay!!!

You may want to talk this over with someone... like a counsellor(??)... if this continues to weigh upon your mind... *hugs*

I wish you much happiness!!! Always.

STOP LOOKING AT ME · 04-11-2008, 10:00 PM

Yes.....such a Double-Edged Sword, Bomby.

Let's both hope for the best.

04-10-2008, 08:03 PM	#1
Bomby VGF's Resident Lennonist Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: Caught beneath the landslide in a champagne supernover in the sky Gender: Posts: 15,548 Thanks: 234 Thanked 717 Times in 455 Posts Blog Entries: 4 Points: 8,042.66 Bank: 5,253,335.93 Total Points: 5,261,378.59 Donate	That double-edged blade known as memory. As I get to know the girl I've become interested in better and better, my past dealings with women begin to haunt me once again. Sometimes I still feel bitter and almost vengeful in a way. Not vengeful like I want to kill them, but vengeful like I have to find a girl that's better than them in any way you can imagine, then somehow show off how much better this new girl is than they were. It's not like I think about this a lot, but sometimes my brain just functions this way. The one girl in particular that bothers me still is a girl who I "freaked out" toward the end of my senior year. Considering the way I reacted from her initial rejection, she had every right to be freaked out by me. The realization of this after the fact made me lose a lot of self-esteem, and for a long time I felt like a total creep, and that I didn't deserve anyone. Even though I've now proven to myself that I'm not a creep, the thought occasionally passes through my head of what she would think seeing me with a girl who actually liked me. Obviously, this thought isn't worth considering, but sometimes when I have the misfortune of passing her by on campus (like I did about a half-hour ago), my train of thought can't help but travel in a certain direction. Another thing that bothers me is how I would explain my interactions with some of the girls I've been more... erm, "successful" with. Like... one-night stand successful. Not only have I been creepy in the past, but I was once a bit of a sleaze. It was really a fleeting thing: two one-night stands my freshman year of college. To some people, that's not really too bad, but when trying to get into a relationship with a really nice, I mean, nice girl, one can only fear the day he would have to explain his shady past to her. Letting go of the past is surely easier for some people than others, and I guess much of the time I feel to be a part of the crowd that has a bit of a harder time. If I'm successful in winning this girl's heart over, I'll probably try to wait until I'm ready to tell her about the shadier aspects of my past. As far as prom girl goes, **** her if she even dares judge me in her mind.

04-10-2008, 09:16 PM	#2
*ZeldaGirl* Venting SuperMod Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Why do YOU want to know...? Gender: Posts: 12,594 Thanks: 573 Thanked 962 Times in 648 Posts Points: 39,790.84 Bank: 909,378.75 Total Points: 949,169.59 Donate	I guess, if you have to tell her eventually, you just be honest - I mean, it's obvious that you have changed and matured. I wouldn't stress about what's in the past - concentrate on the now. As soon as you let all of the bad stuff go from back then, you'll feel happier and more comfortable to move forward. Don't stress about it; you're a good guy, and any girl would be able to see that and have you in their life. So, just concentrate on that. * ZeldaGirl hugs Bomby

04-10-2008, 09:32 PM	#3
*Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds* Admin "mine.. not yours. NO. MINE." Epic Ladynerd Join Date: Jul 2000 Location: Forteresse de Valois Gender: Posts: 24,315 Thanks: 450 Thanked 703 Times in 455 Posts Points: 30,509.18 Bank: 392,666.43 Total Points: 423,175.62 Donate	Everyone has a past, and most people have done things they think someone will disapprove of. All I can tell you, Bomby, is that if someone cares for you, it won't be such a big deal. They might need some time to accept it, but love can always come first. I've experienced it for myself. hugs Bomby

04-11-2008, 09:52 PM	#4
*Heroine of the Dragon* The Grinnie Fool! ♥ VGFCodes Staff Join Date: Jul 2000 Location: In a pretty place surrounded by sparkly faerie dust!! Gender: Posts: 28,147 Thanks: 323 Thanked 407 Times in 311 Posts Blog Entries: 1 Points: 126,269.57 Bank: 5,445,770.34 Total Points: 5,572,039.90 Donate	I would just like to add that it's those things we experience that make us who we are today... and you are wonderful, Bomby!!! Everyone makes mistakes when they are younger... but it's important to see that we learnt something form them!!! It's okay to be you!! Perfectly okay!!! You may want to talk this over with someone... like a counsellor(??)... if this continues to weigh upon your mind... hugs I wish you much happiness!!! Always.

04-11-2008, 10:00 PM	#5
STOP LOOKING AT ME Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: YOU SAID THAT YOU KNEW ME AND I BELIEVED YOU DID Gender: Posts: 9,247 Thanks: 267 Thanked 579 Times in 425 Posts Blog Entries: 7 Points: 6,556.14 Bank: 74,653.97 Total Points: 81,210.10 Donate	Yes.....such a Double-Edged Sword, Bomby. Let's both hope for the best.