Mixed feelings.

Aydzz12 · 06-17-2008, 05:20 PM

Alright, I think I have alot of explaining to do. I am a whole different person than I was 2 years ago. I joined when I was a immature 13 year old, I didn't have a damn care in the world. I would flame people, troll around, pick a fight with anyone I could. I admit, I was a complete dumbass. Around the beginning of 07, I started to see myself change, ALOT. Around Febuary of 07, Daisy came into my life, and I admit, by the end of June, I had fallen in love with her, ALOT. When school got out that year, I thought I was gonna die from not seeing her. I thought about her almost every day, I used to listen to slow songs while thinking about her, I started losing my appetite, I would sleep almost 100% of the time. Around August, is when I realized I was almost gonna get to see her. I worried less and less, and before I knew it, it was the last day of summer and tomorrow I would get to see her.

The first day of school, I saw her while I was passing to 3rd period, I didn't want that moment to pass cause she was the most beautiful thing I ever saw in my life. I saw her that same day at lunch, I was talking to one of my best friends, I saw her, I just stopped talking, when I looked at her, I didn't see anyone else, just her. I continued to feel this way till like the beginning of October. During October, I started hanging out with her more, I did some stuff that me look like a retard, but it made her crack her up, hearing her laugh was like god just gave me the meaning of life.

October was prolly the best month for me. I think about 1000000 things that made her burst out in laughter, right here, is where I thought, this is heaven. During September through December, I was a real chilled out a person, cause whenever she was around me, I was a real chilled out person, cause I didn't wanna do anything that would get me expelled, cause if that happened, I wouldn't be able to see her.

Around November, I knew that me and her both knew that we secretly loved each other. Hell, we would ditch our friends just to go talk, and for the time that I knew her, I'm the only guy that she's ever done that with, cause her and her friends are close like they are all blood related. We would be messing around in rain, getting it from the ground and throwing it at each other. At this point, I seriously thought that was the girl for me, I was so busy and stuck in my fantasy world, that all these feelings would soon lead up to my ultimate demise.

December, best month of them all. I hardly saw her that month, cause she mostly went to the practices for a Quincenera for one of her friends. December 12, I have a detail to do for ROTC, I'm in uniform, getting something out of my locker. I walk over to the water fountain, she comes and looks for for me. Its her birthday and she didn't tell me nothing. I'm standing there thinking I'm a total moron, and out of nowhere, she comes shooting her arms at me, next thing I knew, I was stuck cause her arms were locked around me. We stood there for around a good minute, hugging and I knew that neither one of us wanted to let go.

I walked away from my locker room, thinking that I was on top of the world, well think again...
I walk her to 2nd period that day, we went the long way and had a nice convo. I get home, she was the only thing on my mind. I didn't see her the next day, friday, I wish I hugged her 2x longer than I did that day. We were having a party in ROTC, I ran straight from 4th period to the Building. I saw her on my way their, she said "Hi Josh", seriously, I wish I just ditched everyone I spent that whole lunch with her.
The whole next week, I didn't talk to her, more like she didn't talk to me. We have winter break, we get back...... And thats when my life went to hell.

She stopped talking to me, replying to my Myspace messages/comments, or even noticing that I even exist. For Jan-March, I thought my life was over, then I talk to her one friday night, thinking I'm back, wrong again, dumbass. I get 2 good talks, and then goes back to the same ****. March - May, I spent it depressed, and alone. I wrote 3 songs about her. I am not ****ting you. I literally thought, that I had no point in living anymore. My temper came back, and the depression came with it. I didn't give a **** about anything anymore, I just thought **** it, bring back the old me, I ain't got **** to lose, all my friends ditched me, the girl of my dreams doesn't even notice my existence, I ain't got **** to lose.

June 12, She actually replied to one of my comments, I had a good talk with her that day, friday, she ignored me again, and then came monday.
She didn't talk to me that day, but when I was walking to my bus, I see her holding up the "L" meaning "Loser" which was our thing back in November, then she waved goodbye to me, and then she said "Have a good summer". I waved back, and started walking.

I wish I waved longer than I did. I'm not gonna see her for another 3 months, and without her, I don't know what the hell my purpose in this world is. Gonna be a long summer.

( Didn't know where to post this, so if this goes better in the Relationship forum, move it as you please).

(Please don't come into here and make some dumbass remark or post some dumbass picture, I put my heart and soul into this post, so if you're gonna post and post that **** that doesn't have anything to do with the topic, then don't post it all, cause, I am not ****ting you, I cried while I was posting this, so many good memories that prolly don't mean jack now, I had to get it out in the world, so yeah, post your advice, feelings, comments, helpfulness.)

MC King Kong Mushi · 06-19-2008, 09:13 PM

Did you ever tell her you loved her? Cause that helps a lot.

Also, what happens during the summer that prevents you from seeing her? Get her phone number. srsly

I wish you best of luck in the world of love n heartache, BM.

Bomby · 06-19-2008, 09:22 PM

Ah, to be young and in love...

...

... it's a bitch, ain't it?

1-up salesman · 06-19-2008, 10:34 PM

I'm really sorry, man. I hope your life gets alot easier for you. It's so hard to know what to say after readin' all that, man. You've been through a whole lot.

Maybe you should talk to a counselor or a pastor about it. They would know how to help.

06-17-2008, 05:20 PM	#1
Aydzz12 Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: I'm Bartman, ya fool Gender: Posts: 6,157 Thanks: 454 Thanked 144 Times in 114 Posts Blog Entries: 1 Points: 8,937.79 Bank: 113,840.71 Total Points: 122,778.50 Donate	Mixed feelings. Alright, I think I have alot of explaining to do. I am a whole different person than I was 2 years ago. I joined when I was a immature 13 year old, I didn't have a damn care in the world. I would flame people, troll around, pick a fight with anyone I could. I admit, I was a complete dumbass. Around the beginning of 07, I started to see myself change, ALOT. Around Febuary of 07, Daisy came into my life, and I admit, by the end of June, I had fallen in love with her, ALOT. When school got out that year, I thought I was gonna die from not seeing her. I thought about her almost every day, I used to listen to slow songs while thinking about her, I started losing my appetite, I would sleep almost 100% of the time. Around August, is when I realized I was almost gonna get to see her. I worried less and less, and before I knew it, it was the last day of summer and tomorrow I would get to see her. The first day of school, I saw her while I was passing to 3rd period, I didn't want that moment to pass cause she was the most beautiful thing I ever saw in my life. I saw her that same day at lunch, I was talking to one of my best friends, I saw her, I just stopped talking, when I looked at her, I didn't see anyone else, just her. I continued to feel this way till like the beginning of October. During October, I started hanging out with her more, I did some stuff that me look like a retard, but it made her crack her up, hearing her laugh was like god just gave me the meaning of life. October was prolly the best month for me. I think about 1000000 things that made her burst out in laughter, right here, is where I thought, this is heaven. During September through December, I was a real chilled out a person, cause whenever she was around me, I was a real chilled out person, cause I didn't wanna do anything that would get me expelled, cause if that happened, I wouldn't be able to see her. Around November, I knew that me and her both knew that we secretly loved each other. Hell, we would ditch our friends just to go talk, and for the time that I knew her, I'm the only guy that she's ever done that with, cause her and her friends are close like they are all blood related. We would be messing around in rain, getting it from the ground and throwing it at each other. At this point, I seriously thought that was the girl for me, I was so busy and stuck in my fantasy world, that all these feelings would soon lead up to my ultimate demise. December, best month of them all. I hardly saw her that month, cause she mostly went to the practices for a Quincenera for one of her friends. December 12, I have a detail to do for ROTC, I'm in uniform, getting something out of my locker. I walk over to the water fountain, she comes and looks for for me. Its her birthday and she didn't tell me nothing. I'm standing there thinking I'm a total moron, and out of nowhere, she comes shooting her arms at me, next thing I knew, I was stuck cause her arms were locked around me. We stood there for around a good minute, hugging and I knew that neither one of us wanted to let go. I walked away from my locker room, thinking that I was on top of the world, well think again... I walk her to 2nd period that day, we went the long way and had a nice convo. I get home, she was the only thing on my mind. I didn't see her the next day, friday, I wish I hugged her 2x longer than I did that day. We were having a party in ROTC, I ran straight from 4th period to the Building. I saw her on my way their, she said "Hi Josh", seriously, I wish I just ditched everyone I spent that whole lunch with her. The whole next week, I didn't talk to her, more like she didn't talk to me. We have winter break, we get back...... And thats when my life went to hell. She stopped talking to me, replying to my Myspace messages/comments, or even noticing that I even exist. For Jan-March, I thought my life was over, then I talk to her one friday night, thinking I'm back, wrong again, dumbass. I get 2 good talks, and then goes back to the same **. March - May, I spent it depressed, and alone. I wrote 3 songs about her. I am not ting you. I literally thought, that I had no point in living anymore. My temper came back, and the depression came with it. I didn't give a about anything anymore, I just thought it, bring back the old me, I ain't got to lose, all my friends ditched me, the girl of my dreams doesn't even notice my existence, I ain't got to lose. June 12, She actually replied to one of my comments, I had a good talk with her that day, friday, she ignored me again, and then came monday. She didn't talk to me that day, but when I was walking to my bus, I see her holding up the "L" meaning "Loser" which was our thing back in November, then she waved goodbye to me, and then she said "Have a good summer". I waved back, and started walking. I wish I waved longer than I did. I'm not gonna see her for another 3 months, and without her, I don't know what the hell my purpose in this world is. Gonna be a long summer. ( Didn't know where to post this, so if this goes better in the Relationship forum, move it as you please). (Please don't come into here and make some dumbass remark or post some dumbass picture, I put my heart and soul into this post, so if you're gonna post and post that that doesn't have anything to do with the topic, then don't post it all, cause, I am not *ting you, I cried while I was posting this, so many good memories that prolly don't mean jack now, I had to get it out in the world, so yeah, post your advice, feelings, comments, helpfulness.) Last edited by Josh123; 06-17-2008 at 05:26 PM.*

06-19-2008, 09:13 PM	#2
MC King Kong Mushi EVERYBODY SAY HO! THE PARTY'S HERE Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: That one place. Gender: Posts: 6,690 Thanks: 125 Thanked 312 Times in 248 Posts Points: 9,056.88 Bank: 95,485.74 Total Points: 104,542.62 Donate	Did you ever tell her you loved her? Cause that helps a lot. Also, what happens during the summer that prevents you from seeing her? Get her phone number. srsly I wish you best of luck in the world of love n heartache, BM. __________________ RUN, SERAS, RUN!!

06-19-2008, 09:22 PM	#3
Bomby VGF's Resident Lennonist Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: Caught beneath the landslide in a champagne supernover in the sky Gender: Posts: 15,548 Thanks: 234 Thanked 717 Times in 455 Posts Blog Entries: 4 Points: 8,047.66 Bank: 5,253,335.93 Total Points: 5,261,383.59 Donate	Ah, to be young and in love... ... ... it's a bitch, ain't it?

06-19-2008, 10:34 PM	#4
1-up salesman Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Well I'm on VGF right now, aren't I?...right? Gender: Posts: 1,829 Thanks: 1,012 Thanked 80 Times in 61 Posts Blog Entries: 6 Points: 20,553.32 Bank: 0.02 Total Points: 20,553.34 Donate	I'm really sorry, man. I hope your life gets alot easier for you. It's so hard to know what to say after readin' all that, man. You've been through a whole lot. Maybe you should talk to a counselor or a pastor about it. They would know how to help.