feeling alone

[DrJordo]

I've always been a loner. It's only recently, though, that it's bothered me. I was bullied in the 6th grade, and even now, I have trouble trusting people. It's not that I am completely isolated from everyone. I just don't have a close friends, people I feel confortable sharing my feelings with. I have a massive fear of rejection: I was very hesitant to post this. My awkward way of speaking makes People ignore me or look at me oddly most times I talk. Sometimes I feel depressed, and fear that I will always be this way.

[Valigarmander]

Dude, I used to be the same way. I was a loner throughout elementary school, bullied, kept away from people throughout middle school and the beginning of high school. I didn't think I'd ever be able to get out of my bubble and make friends, and part of me didn't want to because it was afraid of being rejected. But around the end of the 9th grade for me, I realized that if I didn't try to make a change on my own, things weren't going to change at all. So I tried moving past all my fears of reaching out, and tried to make new friends. Friends with people I knew from class, or people who looked like they shared interests with me. It was really hard, but the anticipation was always the worst. I was never rejected. And now just a few years later here I am, laughing for the first time in years, saying hi to people, telling jokes, no longer afraid of getting up and speaking in front of people, and with more friends than I know what to do with. Getting out of the hole is the hardest part. But once you're out of there, the world's your limit.

Do you have any friends you can talk to? Even people you've only spoken to once, or people you only know by name. If you can foster and strengthen just one friendship, then you'll be golden. Once you've tasted that first victory, you won't want to stop. And I'm telling you this from experience.

I was diagnosed a while back with unipolar depression and social anxiety. If you've been feeling depressed a lot, you should probably speak with a counselor or someone you can trust about it. It's not something that should be ignored, and if you let someone know, you may be able to get help with it.

I hope this post is of some assistance to you. Let us know how things go, and if there are any changes in what's going on. You can always come here to talk.

[Metal Mario]

I know exactly how you feel. In fact, I was pretty down on myself just last night. Not fun when that happens. Yeah, I've always been a loner too, and yeah, it's because most of the people I've met throughout the course of my life have been total bastards to me. I'm unemployed, I have no friends and no girlfriend, and I stay inside my apartment all day, every day. The only truly productive, constructive thing I do with my time is working on my writing (got two books finished, working on my third). The rest of the time I'm watching movies, playing video games, or getting frustrated about how VGF isn't active enough even to serve as a surrogate social circle for my lonely, desolate ass.

So yeah, I know how you feel.

[CodenameV]

I used to be your textbook loner. I just rejected everybody, and everybody rejected me. The combination of domestic abuse and moving from shelter to shelter really got to me. Hell, I'm still not completely over it. But letting people in is the best thing you can do. I have the exact same fear of rejection. I still do, as CL could probably tell you. xD But try and make those close connections. Because there are people who will accept you, no matter who you are. I learned that for myself. And I'm still amazed that I actually have great friends, after all the period of... Well, not having any. And I have an amazing girlfriend as well. <3 Long story short is, don't be afraid of rejection. Because there are people who aren't jerks, and they are worthwile people. If I was over there I'd definitely be your pal. You're in my thoughts. I hope things get better for you.

[Cosmonautical]

Don't worry dude, everyone's had similar feelings at some point in their life.

[DrJordo]

Thanks guys. I really have no idea what to do. Even as a very young child, I focused almost entirely on schoolwork. My interests have always been different from those of most others, impeding my ability to start a meaningful conversation. There's a counselor at the university but I don't like to talk to her (thick accent makes her hard to understand, she's ok otherwise). When someone shows a negative or indifferent reaction to the things I say, It causes much more of an effect than a positive one. I easily forget my successes and never forget my failures. Still, I try. It's all I can do.

[Ace Mercury]

Humans typically have the loss aversion trait like you describe: losses are always treated as worse than an equal gain. People generally have the same number of bad and good things happen to them, and their happiness is based on how they frame their bad things. Everything has their pros and cons, and even something like not having close friends has its pros; some of the best work comes from people who shutter themselves away from stupid people. It's surprisingly hard work to maintain a friendship with someone, especially if you are as selfish ('selfish' in the most literal sense) as I am.

That said, it's reasonable to seek friendship. A good way to start is with family; if you have any siblings, they're excellent anchors to your past and are good cohorts in general. I'm sure you've already heard the "practise talking to people" advice; If you're still in school, take the opportunity to strike up conversations with strangers, etc. You said that you have uncommon interests -- what are they? It's likely that there's other people in your university that have these interests too. Even if they don't, you can be friends with someone who doesn't share every interest; odds are pretty good you'll share something with anyone, since there is so much in common for every human.

You can think of the "getting to know strangers" as a lottery for finding close friends. Meeting one more person is like buying an extra lottery ticket. Of the people I know, they usually have shallow connections to many, many people, but have very few close friends (if at all).

Originally Posted by Blue Yoshi

My awkward way of speaking makes People ignore me or look at me oddly most times I talk.

Sounds like an instance of the spotlight effect. Shamefully, the most accessible write-up I could find online was for Oprah magazine (link). Generally, the effect states that people care less than they look.

I like learning things about psychology and cognitive biases like this; I took a few courses in university about these things, and they genuinely interest me. It's pretty comforting when I do stupid things that it's not my fault, it's just how my brain works.