Subway is a cosmic nexus of stupidity.

[Sim Kid]

Do you guys have sandwiches?"
I dunno - Look at the menu. I'll tell you if you say why you can't look at it.

"What're my options for bread/Cheese/Sauce/Veggies?"
There's a sign right in front of your face.

"Do you guys have Pizzas?"
We have pizza subs, but if you want an actual pizza...there's a pizza place within two feet of the Subway.

"I'm allergic to Tomatoes...blablabla....Can I get a Meatball Marinara?"
...Darwin awards that way.

"I'll have a Big Mac."
THIS. IS. SUBWAY!!!

"Can I have this toasted with the mustard on it?"
Uh...good luck eating it - It's going to be about 200 degrees.

"I'll have Sauce."
What KIND, darn it?

"I'll have a chicken sandwich."
What kind? We have at least four items with chicken in them. This isn't like a bar the Netherlands where you will get the cheapest option. Reason why? Whenever I did it, I got a lot of "I WANTED TERIYAKI/BUFFALO/BACON RANCH/STRIPS/ORCHARD!"

"Oh, I guess I should have decided what I wanted before I got in line...I guess I'll hold up the line staring at the menu."
*facepalm*

"Does your white chocolate macadamia nut cookies have nuts in it?"
I dunno - you tell me.

"Do you have wheat-free wheat bread?"
1) Don't you mean Gluten-free? If so, we don't have many gluten-free options. (You'll have to go upstairs to the salad place for that
2) Does wheat-free-wheat-bread even exist?

"Do you guys have french fries/Poutines?"
1) This is not Canada - most people out here don't even know what a Poutine even IS.
2) Once again....
THIS. IS. SUBWAY!!!!

Subway doesn't HAVE French fries. The Carls Jr. Upstairs has some good ones, they're the fresh-never-frozen type, and if you like fries liek those wedges...you can go to the bar right there.

"Do you have beer?"
...uh...we don't have a liquor license. There's also a bar within a couple meters of Subway...it's literally right there.

"Where are the chips?"
Behind you....NO BEHIND YOU!!! That's the cooler!!! No we don't have chips in the cooler, why would we have chips in there? Turn 180 degrees...see the rack with all the bags of potato chips? THAT'S where the chips are.

"Do you guys have Tacos?"
Don't MAKE me get Leonidas out here again....

"WHADDYA MEAN YOU'RE CLOSED?"
...there is a fire alarm going off. We have to close Subway down whenever that happens.

"Do you guys have Pepsi?"
No. Do you see any on the soda fountain? (Other than the lobby shop...this is one of the few places where you can actually get coke on campus!)

"Can I have that Toasted?"
...we can't toast a salad.

"Is that Egg white?"
...That's not Egg. That's TURKEY. BIIIIG difference there.

"Are you guys open?" *When there are 4 customers in line*
...must...not...give...sarcastic...answer...

"Do you guys have Sub Sauce?"
What's Sub Sauce?

"I'll have Spaghetti."
...Pizza place with Spaghetti right there.

"Can I have a Tuna Sandwich without Mayonnaise?"
lol, the Tuna is mixed in mayonnaise.

"Do you still do the $5 footlongs?"
There is a sign that says which subs are $5 right in front of you.

"Do you take Checks/$50s/$100s?"
*ahem* See that sign that reads, "We do NOT Accept personal checks" and "We do not accept bills higher than a $20"? That should answer your question!

"BUT I'M NOT AN AMERICAN CITIZEN!! I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO PAY TAX!"
lol, that credit card from a state bank requires that you have at least a green card before they accept. (You're also lucky this isn't Arizona.)

"Do you guys give student drinks/Discounts/Meal deals/free stuff?"
Well, you can either have a Subway inside the student centre, or you can walk half a mile to the nearest one and get student discounts - Which would you prefer?

"Can I get a whopper from you guys?"
You're asking for me to bring out Leonidas!!

"Do you have bagel sandwiches?"
No, there are already two bagel places on the student centre.

"Which one's bigger? A 6-inch or a footlong?"
I dunno. You tell me.

"What subs do you have today?"
Everything on the menu.

"Do you guys have one of those menus?"
1) There's one right up there.
2) Do you mean a take-home menu? Like for catering?"

"Why's this sub hot?! IT BURNED MY MOUTH!"
...because you had it toasted, dippy.

"Is this a garbage can?"
Does it LOOK like a garbage can?

"Do you work here?"
*Headdesk*

(Also, while it sounds stupid, quetsions such as, "How late are you guys open?", "When do you open?" and, "Where are the lids and straws?" aren't as dumb as you think when you consider the limited space we have made us put the lids and straws in an incredibly unintuitive location...and the manager for some reason hasn't posted the hours in a place where people can see them.)

tl:dr...how do half these people even get out of the front door in the morning?

[Luigiman7]

It sounds like alot of these people are trolling. There's no way people are this retarded.

[Panfan]

Also the pizza question is legit, because there are Subways that make pizza. And they're pretty good, too.

[The Doctor]

Originally Posted by Luigimango

It sounds like alot of these people are trolling. There's no way people are this retarded.

Um....yes they are...

*Picture the scene, a merry little butchers shop in england where Nomyt works.*

Do you sell fishcakes?
No, we sell meat.

*peering over a bagged up Cooked Chicken to speak to me* Do you sell chickens already cooked?
Yes, they're infront of you.

*Comes in the shop through the front door, stands and looks over every single pack of meat, looks up at me* I dunno why I'm in here. I'm a Veggie?
....

What time do you open?
8.
IN THE EVENING!!!
No, in the morning. -_-'

What time do you close?
5pm
*they walk off, then come in again at 5 mins to 5pm*
Oh, you haven't got anything out.
No, that's because we're closing in 5 mins. I can still serve you stuff if you know what you want.
No, I only wanted to see what you have.

*also at five mins to 5pm*
Oh, are you just setting up?
No, we close in five mins.
Oh, it's a funny time to close up isn't it?
What at five in the evening, when we've set up since 8 this morning? (Actually we start at 7:30am)

How long do I cook this for?
That's already cooked.
Oh, I didn't know.
It says "Cooked Belly Pork on it" -_-'
...Oh yeah.

Do you sell "The Sun" Newspaper?
No, we're a Butchers shop.

Do you sell "The News of The World" Newspaper?
Refer to last answer.

Do you know that butchers shop in London?
You need to be a bit more descriptive than that...
The one in Northen London...
-_-'

Do you see a chicken with six legs?
No.

How long will this pork pie keep?
Until you eat it.

So what's the deal with these buy five £5 pack for £20?
Well, buy any five of the £5 packs for 20 pounds instead of £25...
*hands me four £5 packs and one £10 pack.
That's £30 please?
No, that should be £20.
Um...no you have four of the £5 packs and one of the £10 packs.
I didn't see that label.
Well, it is a big yellow sticker with black writing on it and they are in completely different places. -_-'

Why is this tray lamb and this tray beef?
Well, that has lamb on it and T'other has beef -_-'

Do you like this type of meat product?
No, I'm a veggie.

Do you like this type of meat product?
No, it's actually poison.

Do you like this type of meat product?
No, I only sell stuff I don't like eating, and keep all the stuff I like for me....

What does the Butchers down the road sell?
I dunno, I don't work there.

What time does the shop next door open?
Dunno, don't work there. (It's actually 10am)

Do you sell veggie sausages?
I have lamb and mint sausages, you could try and eat around the lamb.

I want to order some meat.
*gets order book, and pen* What would you like?
*Gives order to me*
and when would you like that for?
For Christmas...
*throws order book over shoulder* It's May, we don't start taking orders for another October.
Oh okay.
[Next day]
I came in yesterday, are you taking orders for Christmas yet?
No...just...no.


AAAAand somethings are best left unsaid....

*Person walks in and stands at the window looking out for about half and hour, then turns to us and says* Are you going to serve me or not?!?! *Storms off*

*A mother and daughter walks into the shop, daughter watches Mother bang her head on the front window, then does the same*

*bloke walks in, looks around then tries to walk out...through the window*

Do you sell eggs?
Yes, outside on the other side of that window.
*Bloke turns and runs head first into the window...knocks himself out*

*Lady walks in, looks around* THIS IS NOT A TV SHOP! *storms off*

This is just some of the strange and wonderful people that come to our shop, and the true answers given.

[CaptHayfever]

Sim:

"What subs do you have today?"

Try this answer: All of them.

"Can I have a Tuna Sandwich without Mayonnaise?"
lol, the Tuna is mixed in mayonnaise.

This one's a fair question; how would they know the tuna was mixed in mayo if they've never ordered it before?

Nomyt:

Do you sell veggie sausages?

Also a fair question; lots of delis sell veggie sausages.

And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

[The Doctor]

Originally Posted by CaptHayfever

Also a fair question; lots of delis sell veggie sausages.

Dunno, doesn't to me. US Deli's usually have a sandwich menu sell lots of different kinds of stuff, Drinks, salads, etc. Also in Europe Deli's are more top-quality (and top-price) foodstuffs, and usually wacky and wonderful food items from all over the world.

We're a Butchers. Just cooked meat and uncooked (and cakes, for some strange reason (although we sell very little, cos it's not normal for a Butchers shop to sell them in the UK)).

[Sim Kid]

Originally Posted by Rooty Toot Jasperson

Also the pizza question is legit, because there are Subways that make pizza. And they're pretty good, too.

Yes but not all subways carry the same thing. I say "We have pizza SUBS" cept that apparently isn't good enough. (There's also a pizza palce 5 feet from us.)

This one's a fair question; how would they know the tuna was mixed in mayo if they've never ordered it before?

What would you do if you say, "It's mixed in mayonnaise" and they say, "Well give me some WITHOUT the mayonnaise mix!". :tongue: Nearly all the canned tuna is mixed in mayonnaise anyways.

[Eagle Eye]

At least you don't work in a chain that's new to the area. We have a ginormous sign in our front window that says "TAKE N BAKE", meaning that you take it and bake it at home.....on top of that, we take EBT since we're like a grocery.

Let's see how many foolish encounters I've had:
*man after paying with EBT* - "wait, y'all don't bake it here?"

A woman gets our family stuffed meal deal, which is a family sized STUFFED pizza which comes out to about 5 lbs and over 6000 calories together, a side item and a 2L drink. When she asked for a diet Pepsi, I told her we don't carry diet 2L drinks....she flips out and says:
"What kind of crap is that? What if we're trying to eat healthy?" This is why Alabama is big as hell.

A woman saw our special on Large Pepperoni pizzas and decided she'd order one.... "yes, can I get the 6.99 pepperoni? But with sausage instead?"

Let's not forget the countless people who come in, get mad when we tell them we don't bake it, then act like it takes so much work to stick a damn pizza (that already comes on an oven-safe tray) in the oven and then come back 15 minutes later.

Do realize that this is in Alabama, a state that doesn't quite work well with change and "new things" and would rather complain about a 20-year old chain then try it out. "I can just buy a frozen pizza at WALMART!" Except a) our pizza is fresh, b) you have more choices c) we're actually good.

Oh and shoutout to the Italian guy that came in, complained that we don't make real Italian food or real pizza, orders about $30 worth of food, and comes back regularly.

[Loot]

Trolls

Trolls everywhere

[CaptHayfever]

Originally Posted by Sim Kid

What would you do if you say, "It's mixed in mayonnaise" and they say, "Well give me some WITHOUT the mayonnaise mix!". :tongue: Nearly all the canned tuna is mixed in mayonnaise anyways.

Well, that's different.
(But...canned tuna isn't mixed in mayonnaise where I shop )

And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

[Loot]

Yeah, I can grab a few cans of tuna right now and they don't have mayonnaise.

[Zaden]

"CSN Bookstore, how can I help you?"
"Do y'all sell books?"
*facepalm*

[Cosmonautical]

What's up with guys at Subway being so confused that I don't want lettuce on a meatball sub, anyway? It's hot. It's fully of tomato sauce. wtf

[Sim Kid]

Originally Posted by FALCON PAUNCH

What's up with guys at Subway being so confused that I don't want lettuce on a meatball sub, anyway? It's hot. It's fully of tomato sauce. wtf

Sounds more like a regional thing at best - nobody out here does it. I'm more surprised people DO want lettuce on a meatball. dude, it's a meatball...if you want to taste meatball and marinara sauce...why have stuff that absorbs the flavour? Green peppers and onions? yeah. Parmesan or Oregano? Yeah, makes more sense...but lettuce and tomatoes? Uhm...what? Mayonnaise? EEEEEEWWWWW!!!!


Also....
"Can I have a meatball sub with no sauce?"
Uh, it's mixed in sauce.
"Then can you get some meatballs out and thaw some out for me, so I don't have to eat the sauce?"
I hope you don't mind
a) having to wait a couple minutes so we can microwave them and
b) Dry meatballs because they don't have any sauce and any time we try to put water in them it boils off in the microwave.

Originally Posted by The Doctor

What time do you close?
5pm
*they walk off, then come in again at 5 mins to 5pm*
Oh, you haven't got anything out.
No, that's because we're closing in 5 mins. I can still serve you stuff if you know what you want.
No, I only wanted to see what you have.

*also at five mins to 5pm*
Oh, are you just setting up?
No, we close in five mins.
Oh, it's a funny time to close up isn't it?
What at five in the evening, when we've set up since 8 this morning? (Actually we start at 7:30am)

I HAVE THE SAME CUSTOMERS TOO! :O

"How late are you open?"*
Until 4 PM in the summer.
"Alright."
*comes in at 3:57*
"Why don't you have anything stocked?"
Because we're closing in less than 5 minutes.
"BUT YOU'RE THE ONLY ONES OPEN!!!"
Well there's a Subway about 5-10 minutes on foot thataway, they're open full time AND give student Discounts.
"But I want a sandwich from you guys."
Well if you know what you want, this won't be bad.
"Alright, now then, I need eight footlongs..."
*thinking, "...I have no mouth and I must scream" right now.*
"....and do you have any Tuna left?"
No we're out.
"Do you have any more?"
No, we're out.
"Can't you just take a portion from the bag and make some for me?"
No, we have to not only mix the tuna with Mayonnaise, but we can't make just a few portions, and even then, it takes at least 15 minutes to get the tuna ready. It's all or nothing, sorry.
"Then do you have any Seafood?"
No, we don't carry that.
"OMG WHY DON'T YOU DO THAT?"
Because we wasted more than we sold, it's not as popular as you think.
"OMG WHY DO YOU GUYS CARRY NOTHING?!? You aren't even stocked and it's almost dinner time!"
...we're not open full time during the summer, I told oyu that earlier.
"I'M GOING TO THE ONE ON CAMPUS WEST! I'm going to give a BIG complaint about you guys!"
...okay, go ahead with that.

*Sure enough, the manager of Campus West sends us an email saying a customer complained about the CSU location...clearly on our side because, well, we were near closed.*

* Yeah, this is actually a valid question believe it or not...for some reason, we don't have the hours posted anywhere. :/ At all. >.<;;


Or even better from a coworker who was opening at 6.

"Helooooo? Is anyone working?"
Uhm....what?
"Yeah! I've been here for a couple minutes!"
...Sir, we're not open yet.
"But your gate was open!"
...the gate was unlocked only for me to get in and turn the soda fountain on. (You can't get to the soda fountain from the back without climbing over the front counter at this location; climbing over the counter is a NO-NO!)
"I want a sandwich!"
You'll have to wait two hours before we open.
"I just want a footlong Meatball!"
*Thinking, "SERIOUSLY? Meatballs at 6 AM? You working the graveyard shift?!"* Sorry, those won't be ready for another couple hours.

[The Doctor]

^ Yeah, I know the people you mean. It's like at five mins to five.

Are you open?
Yes, for the next 5 mins.
Do you have any minced beef?
I think I have 1lb (454ish grams for you hip young'uns) left.
Oh, I want 2 kilos, can you mince me some.
Well, not really. We close in 5 mins and the machine is currently in soak (cleaning fluids, which :-
A) Need to be left on it for at least an hour
B) Need to be wearing gloves to get it out.
C) Even if I dried the thing, and missed a spot, it would make you fairly ill.
Which is why we do it at the end of the day jobby.)
..so you haven't got any.
I have got some, just not enough.

[Valigarmander]

Can't reply, busy eating Subway footlong.

[Sim Kid]

^ I half expected some kind of cartoon from you.

[Lurch1982]

Pizza's a legit question. Don't even answer with the Pizza sub, it just confuses people since that's more or less on the secret menu now.

Dry meatball is actually a legit question too. I've been to numerous locations that have the meatballs in a steamtray w/o sauce.

Same with Pepsi vs Coke, since its basically a regional thing on Subways.

Usually with chicken, they mean the RCB, but that's not really annoying to get clarification IMO.

Papa Murpheys in Alabama just doesn't seem like it'll work just out of the change deal.

From experience, you go into autopilot with dressing the sandwiches. I would basically have my hand almost in the lettuce and it would usually screw me up if they didn't get it.

That being said, if you get a meatball sandwich in New Orleans, the standard way to dress it is lettuce tomatoes mayo and pickles, but that's basically what "dressed" means in New Orleans speak. Mayo on meatball is nowhere near offensive as mayo on Pastrami.


Unless you're working there for work study or something, quit and work at an off-campus one. Subways are far more tolerable if they're not connected to a Walmart, campus, airport, etc. because you deal with more regulars and less dumbfounded idiots.

FWIW here are some of my horror stories from about 7 years ago:

"I want a sandwich"
"what kind"
"A subway sandwich"
"What kind? We have many"
"With meat"
"What kind of meat"
"Pastrami"
"We don't have that"
"Bologna"
"We don't have that"
"Roast Beef"
"Ok"
"And Peperoni and salami"
"I can't do that"
"Da customer is always right"
"Not this time"
"Ill pay for it"
"ok, what kind of bread"
"Rye"
"We don't have rye"
"Pumpernickel"
We don't have that ether"
"Sourdough"
"Our breads are right here"
"I want this honey rye"
"Ok" *gets wheat*
*makes sandwich*
"How would you like this dressed"
"Yes"
"No what do you want on it"

it got easier, didn't bother to upsell, yes she looked inbred and retarded.


This is the most disgusting sandwich I've ever made:
Footlong italian herb and cheese or whatever they were calling that one then, Subway Seafood and Crab add bacon extra cheese with pickle and olive juice poured on it and roast beef gravy (regional item in LA) poured on top. I thought it was a revenge sandwich (like this regular's CCC stuffed with jalapenos and soaked in jalapeno juice), but this troll sat down and ate it with a knife and fork.


10 minutes to closing time. Pickup truck pulls up and 6 ****kicking cowboys roll out. I'm in the middle of a city and nowhere near a farm. They don't bother to take their books off and track horse**** through the store on the floor I just finished mopping. They yell at me because we only have a six-inch's worth of meatballs and I'm not spending the 30 minutes or so heating more up. They all order food, sit down and smear their horse**** covered boots all over three booths and spill about half of their chips on the floor.


Almost every Sunday, there would be one or two idiots lining up to get Subway. Who does that.

[Sim Kid]

I know it's a legit question with the pizzas - but I repeatedly say this and people still don't get the message that we don't have pizzas. We only have pizza subs, no matter how many times I say, "No, we don't carry pizzas, we have a pizza SUB...."

Course the main reason we don't carry pizza is the fact that during the school year...120 subs an hour during lunch is the USUAL. :/


wow lurch, we've had cowboys doing crap like that too...sometimes literally, of course, we're not the only ones who have had crap tracked in. >.< Some assmunch once spat tobacco all over the carpet in the student centre.

AS for quitting...Know of any other places that are hiring? And are willing to work around schedules? The only places that do hire flat out disregard schedules ENTIRELY. ****ing Wendy's is always hiring, except they generally tend to assume that your "Availability" means "I can work anytime BUT these hours!".

[CaptHayfever]

Footlong Italian herb and cheese, Subway Seafood and Crab add bacon extra cheese with pickle and olive juice poured on it and roast beef gravy poured on top.

...Except for the pickle, that sounds delicious.

And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"