If a Zelda game were made around an NPC...

[Saria Dragon of the Rain Wilds]

So, instead of following the story of Link, saving Zelda and Hyrule, or whatever he does, imagine there's a Legend of Zelda game based around an unlikely hero: one of the many NPCs in the Zeldaverse.

Who would you choose?
What adventure would they undertake?
What would their weapon of choice be?
Who are they saving?
Who helps them?
What is the enemy?
What evil minions do they encounter?
AND ANYTHING ELSE!

[Rainbow Dash]

[X-3]

Who would you choose?
Bazaar Guy from OoT
What adventure would they undertake?
He would rescue his chest-hair from Ganondorf.
What would their weapon of choice be?
Rupees and Shields.
Who are they saving?
Chest-hair.
Who helps them?
Link. He would give you Rupees for junk you find off enemies. (ie: bombs, arrows, hearts, masks, that kind of useless crap)
What is the enemy?
Ganondorf...until it is revealed that Ganondorf is being manipulated by the Ganondorf of the future!
What evil minions do they encounter?
Ladies who sell bottle-items, blue-versions of Ladies who sell bottle-items, Wild Horses.
AND ANYTHING ELSE!
Gohma is a major character and a recurring boss. You'll fight all of his models! Eventually, he'll join you and you'll storm Ganondorf's Castle riding Crab-Gohma.

[Fairlight Excalibur]

Chunky, you need to die badly.

[Auron]

I kind of feel like a game based around the group might be interesting because I always felt that for how uniquely designed they were compared to most of the other characters in TP, there really wasn't an awful lot of information or backstory to any of them except for Rusl.

[Marilink]

The Legend of the Postman

In the process of delivering letters, our favorite Postman stumbles upon a letter addressed to Ganondorf. Unfortunately, Link hasn't begun his epic journey yet, and the Postman can't get to Ganondorf's castle until he has the seven sages make a rainbow bridge for him. Using his wit and handy-dandy knapsack, the Postman goes through the 7 dungeons of Hyrule, saves the sages, and delivers his letter on schedule.

Items: You start out only swinging your letterbag thingy. As you go through the game you get useful items like a Mail Bicycle and a letter opener, as well as the ability to throw letters. Along the way, the sages give you special seals for letters that make paper-cuts from the letters have special abilities!

Who's he saving? No one. He's just doing his job.

Who helps him? The seven sages and other Hyrule Social Service employees.

What is the enemy? Link, really. Lazy kid won't get started on his journey, then I guess the Postman will!

What evil minions do they encounter? Lots of Octoroks. Classic overworld Octoroks though, not the squid crap from OoT.

Final Boss? Jeeves, Ganondorf's Moblin Butler that won't let anyone near the castle, rainbow bridge or not.

[Rainbow Dash]

Originally Posted by The Traveler

Chunky, you need to die badly.

that game actually owns though

[CuccoLady]

ML I love you.

Sooooo (true story the first time I typed that autocorrect turned it into Dollop) in my epic adventure the chicken lady would go on an epic quest to find the magical cure of ailments known as Benadryl. She would hurl her invincible chickens at all enemies, eventually working her way into the final boss realm of Kokiri forest to face off with her arch nemesis Link who keeps taking her cuccos out of their pen and then charging her 50 rupees for the service of putting them back. He had also taken hold of all of the Benadryl in the land to prevent her from doing this herself. Along the way she is aided by malon, who shares her love of evil rabid birds, and the only thing standing between her and victory is that damn horse that makes link invincible when he rides it.

[chibimod3]

Who would you choose?
The people from the village Link lives in.
What adventure would they undertake?
Trying to not die while raising their farms and young ones.
What would their weapon of choice be?
The gardening hoe.
Who are they saving?
Democracy.
Who helps them?
No one because they are peasants.
What is the enemy?
Mother Earth herself.
What evil minions do they encounter?
Drought and starvation.

[Marilink]

Love you too CL!

[Maximum Spider]

Who would you choose?
King Harkinian from the CD-I games

What adventure would they undertake?
An adventure through Gamelon.

What would their weapon of choice be?
Link's sword and shield he foolishly left behind.

Who are they saving?
All the dinner in Hyrule, as well as Link & Zelda

Who helps them?
Gwonam and Morshu

What is the enemy?
Ganon.

What evil minions do they encounter?
The evil forces of Ganon.

[CaptHayfever]

Error.
"Debugging" Hyrule by hunting rogue spirits.
Glass bottles & torches.
Well, in general everyone, specifically...we'll say fairies.
"This Is My House" guy.
Some kind of shadow demon.
The rogue spirits, & assorted other such things.

And remember, "I'm-a Luigi, number one!"

[Valigarmander]

THE LEGEND OF EPONA

• You play as Epona, in her quest to wander the plains of Hyrule and consume seven to ten kilograms of food per day.
• The main villain of the game is Ganondorf's horse (who's name is Tassles). He's a jerk, and hogs all the good grass.
• There's over 20 different types of grass to graze on.
• You can equip different horseshoes that have different effects on you, like letting you float on water, or lighting your hooves on fire.
• You can learn several different spells from various horse-fairies hidden throughout the land, including "Sonic Neigh" and "Superfast Grazing".
• You can let Malon brush your hair and tell you you're pretty to recover health, and feed you oats to recover magic.
• Enemies include cougars, haunted cattle prods, zoophiles, and roving bands of Ingo clones carrying branding irons.
• Every now and then Link will appear and try to ride you. You have to either run away or knock him off a bridge or something, because if he gets on you he'll just kick you and make you carry him around on the target range in Gerudo Fortress for hours.
• The game is won once you've killed Tassles and/or mated with him.

[The Missing Link]

Zelda herself is an NPC, right? Then...

[Crazyswordsman]

Who would you choose? The Giant Catfish from LttP
What adventure would they undertake? Cleaning up his circle of stones from crap that gets thrown into it.
What would their weapon of choice be? Bombs!!!
Who are they saving? His home, duh.
Who helps them? The talking trees that spew bombs.
What is the enemy? Link, of course. After cleaning it up, he goes to get his revenge on the litterbug.
What evil minions do they encounter? Well, any of the bad guys that lurk around the Dark World. Dark Octoroks, Dark Zora's Spawn, Cyclops, Pikits, etc.

-CSM

[Bomby]

I AM ERROR.

The game would never load, because the title screen is an Error. Too bad, because if you would be able to get past the title screen, the game itself is the greatest game in the history of video games. But we'll never know what exactly it is...

[Cosmonautical]